recent post

This was recently posted on my "myspace" blog.... yes, I have a myspace.



So I've been neglecting this myspace thing for a while now. There was a time (in Iceland) that I would check it on a daily basis. It's not so much that I'm too busy to check up on old friends... wait that in itself sounds bad. I don't want it to sound like I don't care, (although I am tired of all the dumb bulletins.) but trust me I do. I want to hear every detail about what is going on in peoples lives. But I'm going to go on a limb and say that everyone else's lives are as uneventful as my own(or thinks so at least), which is the reason for my absence. I'm sure this is just an assumption, and a wrong one at that. I bet there are even things worth telling in my own, half way pathetic, boring life. Maybe it isn't as bad as I make it sound, maybe I'm just stuck in a rut/junction (if you can have a rut/junction, I really don't know what to call it, or what a rut/junction would be). With that being said, let me lay out the last few months of my life...

Last August I finally got back from Iceland. If you ever thought Iceland would be a cool place to go... save your money, it's not. If you want to see it, look at a picture. Sure there is a night life (expensive as it is), and sure there are some interesting sites. But guess what? The night life can be seen anywhere, and a picture is worth a thousand words, or in this case it'll save you several thousand dollars, as Iceland is very expensive. On my return I had a hard time adjusting to being around people. It was hard adjusting originally to spending so much time alone, to the point of thinking I should pull a Tom Hanks and get a ball of some-kind to talk to. Of course, as with anything, you get used to it, and finally coming home found the traffic (foot and vehicle) overwhelming to say the least. I avoided shopping for several weeks to stay clear of the crowd. I had to be thoroughly intoxicated in order to go to the annual Pig Fest in Wittlich. I'm happy to say that over the last few months though, I finally feel reintegrated into a society with people in it.
After several weeks off from my "deployment" I finally returned back to work. Things didn't change really. I can't say I missed it. I was quickly moved from one section to another where I am feeling overwhelmed. I don't really know what I'm doing, although I'm expected to, or at least I feel that way. A semi-wise man once said to me, "Fake it till you make it." Not a bad motto really... it doesn't work all the time... mostly when dealing with people who always know when you are B.S.ing... but still not bad, as long as you can handle constant berating. In the change of job responsibility comes a change of work location of course... right near the head office. This is good and bad of course. I always am one of the first to know what's going on... but I'm also right there to catch "the wrath". Enough said about that.
I managed to slice my finger real well, leaving me, a month later, with a nice big scar and limited use (though it does seem to be getting better). The real story behind the injury is fairly retarded, and doesn't show me in a good light at all, and I haven't made up a good enough cover story yet, so I'm disinclined to give a "how" to the damage. I will say that the inch long laceration over my knuckle needed 9 stitches (which didn't hold because the medical technician who did the work turned out to not be a medical technician after all, but a cook at the chow hall work as a med tech) and immobilized most of my hand for... well up until now really. I will have a scar now, and probably some pain, for the rest of my life to remind me to not do stupid things.
With all the downtime I had in Iceland, it gave me plenty of time to do some thinking. This in itself is a great thing. Unfortunately, I don't recommend doing this too much... you may drive yourself insane. With all the thinking done, you'd think I'd have a bit more sense of direction, or plan for... well, for everything. Maybe it's just me, but I am noway better off than I was before. In fact, I think i just emphasized that I have NO idea what I'm going to do. This encompasses everything. I have no idea what to do about my military future (stay in, get out, run away) or personal life. With the way this Air Force is going, it would seem getting out would be the best course of action... especially when talking to the people who have been in a while. Then you get a feeling of really how bad it is, and when they are talking about how much they hate it... well, it's a bit discouraging. Ok, I'm not going to lie, it's very discouraging. Everyone is going to punch their card and get the hell out... so why shouldn't I do they same? Indecisiveness, that's why. Maybe my head will be more clear after being home for a few weeks. Which I'm happy to say happens in less than a month! Thank God.
I wonder how/why I ended up where I'm at in life. Things must have played out like this for a reason right? Met some great people? Well of course, but the more I meet, the more I have to say goodbye to, and then replace them with new people, who in turn I say goodbye too. I suppose I've seen some of the world now that I wouldn't have otherwise... meh... but maybe I'm taking that for granted. I also feel I've left so much behind. Family that I can't be there for when I feel they need me. Friends who I feel I've abandoned, or at least I feel that they feel I abandoned them. It's impossible to fill in the void that not having the close family and friends near by left me with. Especially with how often we are moved around. This is a good career (minus the gayness of the Air Force) and it is extremely needed at this time of war (whether I agree with the war or not is moot). But is it worth giving up the other things in life I want? Well, that's where I stand. Confused, and helpless... or at least helpless for a couple more years where I can decide to get out or not.
I realize this is long and unorganized... but sometimes one needs to get things out and written down, or at least that's what people say. It doesn't make me feel better, that much I do know.

Where to start...

Well... last time I wrote... Nope can't even remember it. I do know that I left out the important fact of my going home, which was an enormous surprise. I hadn't told anyone but two people I was coming home. Of course as the time got closer, all I wanted to do was tell everyone! So, I spent two weeks at home in Oregon. Of course that was a while ago, and now I don't feel like going into great amounts of detail on it. There is so much more to put into this post. I will say though, as great as home is, I actually have a different life... at times (not all the time) I felt out of place... not to mention how far behind it got me in my training. So, I got back from my two week vacation, and while I was gone the taskings for deployment came down. I figured they would, but I still wasn't prepared. Of course, when I got back I was told where I would be going. To my surprise, I'm not going to the desert. I'm not going to any war torn area... I've been tasked for a 4 month trip, to... of all places, Iceland. If you can imagine, this was not what I expected at all. Myself and a TSgt are going to be practically vacationing. On top of the $87ish per diem (extra daily money), I've been told there is practically NO mission there for EOD guys. We just have to be there in case an F15 crashes... which, you can guess doesn't happen very often. So, the EOD techs there now, have said that they we're encouraged to get second jobs for their time there. How about that huh? A paid vacation to do nothing. I've done some research on Iceland, and I'm looking forward to it. Should be leaving sometime in May.

On the downside... I was really looking forward to my shot at some real EOD work in the desert. Most people have their own war stories... I was hoping by this time next year I could be in the same boat. Oh well right? What can I do. I guess I'll have my own stories of traveling Iceland. I can't complain, I'll be making money and having a fairly good time. It's not like we're going to be leaving the middle east anytime soon. You can bet though that everyone back home loved the news. I suppose I'll take a lot of pictures.

I had plenty more I wanted to talk about in this. I went to Silver Flag, which is when you pretend you're setting up a brand new air base. Lots of different career fields will do it. I enjoyed it though. Some good EOD training. After that I went to Siegenberg... We took out some stuff to blow up out there where we could. Since our range is so small here, we have to take everything big 6 hours away. That was my first real TDY, and probably my last for a while. I'm assuming that when I get back from Iceland I'll be able to do more TDY's

On that note, (the sound of my watch telling me it's 11 at night) I'm going to bed.

Time flies

I haven't posted in quite a while. There is just cause for this. No, it's nothing as exotic as being on a TDY somewhere, or doing a VIP mission. I haven't been out scouring the planet for lost cities. I haven't had computer problems. The amazing thing is this though, I haven't written in a while, because.... I have nothing to say. Yes, yes, it's true. I'm in the center of Europe on the government dime, and I've ran out of things to say. Is it possible I have started taking for granted the fact that I live here? Have I gotten used to living in a country as different from ours as this one? I think so. The culture shock has worn off. Seeing these many new things doesn't take my breath away anymore. Of course I still like it here, and don't plan on leaving anytime soon... until I deploy of course. So, as it is I have a lack of exciting europeaness to talk about, I will give you this... what I HAVE done while I haven't been posting.

I've been sick. It's been pretty horrible, nothing as bad as throwing up or flu symptoms. Mostly just the constant drowning in one's own saliva and snot. This, in turn, has kept my nights filled with a wonderful lack of sleep. I'm talking weeks now of nothing more then 4 hours of sleep. A lack of sleep, being as important as it is to life and not having much of it, has made my body exhausted and weak. During my whole waking day I just want to sleep, and can fall asleep anywhere. Well, anywhere but at home when I'm trying to get my rest for the next day. I wish I could say my day's aren't rough on me. Of course I wouldn't be able to say it's a hard days work either, but much of the lifting is in fact heavy. Why do they think we need steel tools to do our job? It's cold, hard, and heavy. Though shiny also... but I digress. Yes, tired.

I've also been busy. Many things have come down the pipeline at me, having much to do with outside of work activities. There is the bowling thing every Tuesday, which is a pain... one because It takes the rest of my day from me, and two, I'm not really that great at it. I've also been packing up what few belongs I have in this house I'm sitting and taking them back to a room smaller then this living room. Much sadness there, but a full house is hard to keep clean for some reason. With said return of our deployed brothers, I also need to get his car running. This has become more difficult then I thought it would, basically because I can't pop the hood to jump start it without being able to get into the car, and for some reason the key won't open the door. It turns the lock... but doesn't open. This, in fact, is driving me crazy. I also need to fill the car with gas as has been requested of me just today(something about the fuel ration card expiring before he gets back).

Time, where has all the time gone? I've already been here for over 6 months, with only 18 more to go before I have to leave Europe. I have to ask myself if I've done my time here justice yet? I've seen much, and done much. But It all makes me feel... Like it's still not enough. I guess there is still some of that precious time left.

I'm dreaming of a white day after Christmas

No beating around the bush here. I'm going to come out and say it. The weather man at this base has NO idea what the weather is going to do. A couple weeks ago "he" was so lost on what the weather was going to do, the 5 day outlook changed 4 times in 3 ours. That may be an exaggeration, but not by much. I woke up that day, to snow. The all knowing weather man said, just the night before, that it was a change of snow... In the afternoon... and that the high for the day would be 38 degrees. So I turn on the equally impressive AFN "armed forces network" radio station. They were sticking to the previous weather story. I guess they couldn't look outside. Shortly after that they admitted that it was snowing. It's kind of hard to hide it. A little later, lets change the whole 5 day outlook. Now it's going to snow all day, 2" to 3" and a high still of 38. The rest of the week stayed the same, cloudy highs in the upper 30s. As I finished getting ready for work, one more change in there minds, lets have the highs all week not get above 30 and have a trace to 1/2 inch all week long. Fast forward to any other day in the week... highs 35, partly cloudy and foggy. I'm pretty sure all they do is spin a wheel or something. At least snow doesn't sneak up on Oregon weathermen.

The day before yesterday I checked our all knowing 5 day outlook to see if we might get the precious white Christmas. No we didn't. The said possible Monday trace to 1/2" in the afternoon. Christmas comes and goes. Last night I checked again. Now it said a trace to a half an inch for both AM and PM for all week. Great, that'll make for an interested commute onto base, not that I drive far. So this morning I wake up, and it's snowing. Not too surprised, they are pretty good at calling it 12 hours out. Of course they still say a trace of snow to half an inch, and as I've sat here we've got over 1/2 inch already. Stupid military weatherman! I almost got my white Christmas. A white day after Thanksgiving, and a white day after Christmas.

Sleep patterns (semi-title)

I really only want to sit down and write this because... well I haven't in a while. Nothing completely new or amazing has happened since the beginning of the month. We had a base wide exercise, which basically means we pretend to be in a deployed situation. All in all, it is a waste of time to my shop. Many of the people running this cluster of an exercise I would say have never been deployed. They set up "attacks" on the base every once in a while, and other training is involved. But what they don't understand is that EOD trains two days out of every week. They made us man the shop 24 hours a day, where I got put on night shift and still haven't recovered my sleep schedule. Any "activities" that we did weren't even base related. It's almost like they don't know what to do with us. Luckily we have senior enlisted guys to make up problems for us, which I love! Anytime I get to do "real" EOD work (basically not paperwork or equipment stuff) is a good time, even when what I'm doing sucks at the time, i.e. slowly probing the sand for signs of landmines or booby-traps when you don't know if something is there or not in the dark using night vision goggles instead of a flashlight wearing 40 lbs of gear on your upper body plus helmet and the NVGs all the while when it is low 30s out for 3 hours. But we ran the problem like it would be done in real world. Good practice. I hadn't known what to do for a weapons cache before that night.

What else, what else? I'm set up to go to silverflag in February. I've heard it was a horrible waste of time. But then again, I'm not sure what it consists of... I just know most people in the shop have gone, and have not liked it. I suppose it is more training, and if I go to Iraq this summer, I'll need it. Sometime in spring I'll go to combat skills training... I think that is in Colorado. My flight chief is there right now... I gotta pick him up from the airport on Sunday. I hate that drive.... over 4 hours round trip. Did it today in fact. I had to take three EOD guys from our AB in Turkey. Gettin up at like 4... driving... I pulled over twice on the way back to nap for a few mins. Then I got home from work today... and fell asleep for a couple hours. Now I'm wide awake and It's 11:30! Thank you lame base exercise!